Jimmy the Hydraulic Astronaut

Jimmy has found himself working at NASA on a new rocket capsule, which is planned for a mission to Mars. The capsule is state-of-the-art and can remove all G-force from take-off, the astronauts wouldn’t even know it was moving. The new capsule is attached to a brand-new rocket which is twice the size of Saturn 5 and towers 60 stories high. The capsule door has stopped working, it has blown a hydraulic hose, so Jimmy has been called to fix it.

Jimmy realises the capsule needs a lot of work as the engineers have made several mistakes.

“Hey, I am going to have to close and lock the door, it’s the only way to fix some of these hoses”, Jimmy calls through the radio to ground control.
“Ahh, roger Jimmy, Houston out”.

In the meantime, a New Year’s Eve party is taking place in the NASA control room. Without realising, one of the NASA technicians spills his beer all over the controls. Lights start flashing and sirens start ringing.

“T-minus 10 seconds to launch” the computer starts to repeat counting down with each second. Everyone in the control room starts counting down, thinking that it’s nearly the new year.

“Three, two, one”, everyone starts to scream and clap… then suddenly the ground starts to shake, and a roar fills the room so loud that there is no mistaking what’s happening. The penny drops.

The staff all run to the window and look out to see the rocket taking off. Their jaws drop, their eyes are wide open as the fiery exhaust lights up the control room.

Meanwhile, Jimmy continues to change the hoses oblivious of what is happening. The new capsule design is working a treat, and Jimmy is about to be an astronaut… and doesn’t even know it.

The NASA door swings open. “EVERYBODY OUT” yells the General who’s just walked in, “THIS IS A MILITARY OPERATION, WE ARE TAKING OVER!”

At this exact moment, the US military has found an extinction level asteroid heading towards Earth. They were tasked with taking the new rocket and sending it to save the world.

“WHAT IN TARNATION IS GOING ON IN HERE!”, screams the General.

Everyone stands still, wide eyes on the military General. Finally, one technician who is trembling with fear speaks “the rocket has launched Sir…”

The General shakes his head and in a disheartened voice murmurs “then we are all doomed”.

The speaker crackles in the control room “Hello? Anyone? The door is locked, and I can’t get out. It’s Jimmy. I’ve finished the work in the capsule”.

The General, with a small grin on his face steps forward to speak “Hi Jimmy, I don’t know who you are, where you came from or how you got there, but that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you realise you are the only hope mankind has left to survive, and that 7 billion people are now counting on you”.

There’s a long pause as everyone stands silently waiting for Jimmy’s reply.

Jimmy sighs, “O man not again!”

Stay tuned for next month’s instalment to see if Jimmy saves the world…