The water glistened in the moonlight as Allan stood on the shore, surveying the horizon.

“We’ve done a lot of stupid things, Al,” stated Neil, crossing his arms. “But this takes the cake.”

Allan whipped around to face his friend. “What are you saying? That meeting with the head of a clandestine organisation in the middle of nowhere, at night, by ourselves, wasn’t a good idea? Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

Neil took a deep breath. “I’m just saying, maybe we should have called the cops. Hired bodyguards. You know, done literally anything to reduce our chances of ending up as fish food.”

“It’s not going to come to that,” said Al, turning back to the water. “We’re going to have a nice, friendly discussion. We may even walk away with new friends!”

Neil seriously doubted that, though Al did seem to make friends wherever he went.

They heard the vessel before they saw it.

It was a luxury speedboat, so sleek and dark it blended with the ocean. It looked like something a James Bond villain would own. The driver cut the engine, and the boat drifted lazily onto the sand. A man stepped onto the shore, followed closely by two beefy security guards.

“He’s a walking cliche,” muttered Neil under his breath. Al elbowed him in the ribs as the other man approached.

He was, indeed, a stereotypical bad guy. He was wearing sunnies, despite the fact it was midnight.

“Gentlemen,” he said by way of greeting.

Allan and Neil nodded in response, awaiting further conversation. Nothing else was said.

“…Well?” prompted Neil.

“Well, what?” asked the man.

“Aren’t you going to threaten us? Maybe monologue for a bit?”

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “Sorry, I haven’t done this in a while. Um, if you tell anyone about this, I’ll be… mad? Disappointed?”

The man watched as Allan and Neil exchanged glances. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“It’d really hurt my feelings,” he said, surveying their faces for fear. Not seeing any, he continued, becoming increasingly desperate.

“I’d find it hard to trust anyone ever again. It’d be, like, a huge bummer.”

He sank to the sand and began to sob. After a second, Allan walked over and lent down to the man’s eye level. “Buddy, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re really bad at this.”

“I know,” the man snivelled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “I used to be one of Villain Magazine’s Top 10 Most Evil Dudes, and now look at me,” he cried. “I’m a mess.”

“We all evolve, bud. Maybe your heart’s not in it anymore?” suggested Al. He was getting an idea. He looked over at Neil, who was giving him his best don’t you dare look. Al ignored him.

“Have you thought about a career change?”

A week later, a new guy joined the team. He was a hard worker, and he got along with everyone.

Nobody recognised him.

Why would they? He was indoors, and he wasn’t wearing sunnies.