Moo-dunit?

It began as all Queensland days begin: butterflies fluttering, kookaburras laughing heartily, and Al and Loo’s cattle contently munching on fresh grass drenched in the goodness of the morning dew.

Al took the final sip of his daily chamomile tea, stretched to normalise his muscles from the previous night’s erratic sleep, and headed out the door. Funny thing, he could sense something was off. It was the little things he noticed, the subtle hints. He slipped his foot into his left boot, only to realise it was his right foot. He should have known something major was brewing.

By midday, the list of jobs he had to complete was rapidly increasing. Spray the rat tail, fill in the hole under the roadside fence, renew the back rub, and replace the pressure switch on the solar bore.

But you know what they say about all work and no play…

“Hey Loo,” said Al, running through the door with a lifejacket on. “Do you want to head down to the dam with the kayaks? It’s been a while since our last paddle!”

“Sure Al,” she replied, getting to her feet. From her new vantage point, Loo noticed something in the distance and squinted to get a better look.

“Hey Al, does the top gate look slightly ajar to you?”

Al whipped around in panic. He’d left the cattle grazing in the top paddock, but if the gate was open, who knows where they were now?

“Oh my goodness, how did that happen? Quick, Loo, get the buggy – we’ve got to investigate!”

Just over the crest of the hill, Al and Loo spotted the taillights of a single deck cattle truck, and there was no doubt about it: it was leaving their property.

“What the heck! We’ve busted rustlers!” exclaimed Al. “Loo, let me drive, we’ll get those beeping beepers!”

Loo promptly pulled over and jumped out of the driver’s seat. She ran around the back while Al dove across the bonnet, doing his best Daisy Duke impersonation. He slammed the buggy into high gear and took off, leaving Loo clinging on for dear life as she bounced between the seat and the ceiling.

“Don’t just sit there, Loo! Call the cops, we need backup!” yelled Al, steering to avoid a giant divot.

“Sh-sh-sh sure, Al, as so-so-soon as I ca-can gr-gr-grab m-m-my ph-ph-phone,” she replied, her teeth chattering.

They were gaining on them. Who them were, they were about to find out.

They rounded the front of the truck and slammed on the anchors. Al jumped out of the buggy, ready to confront the driver. When he recognised his face, he stood staring at it like a stunned mullet.

“Tom?!” Al exclaimed, staring at his neighbour. “What are you doing stealing our cattle?”

Tom chuckled. “I’m not stealing them, you nitwit. You had half a dozen swim the creek into our place. I thought I’d load them on the truck rather than try to force them back through.”

Al turned bright red. “Oh, um, gee, thanks Tom. We knew that, we just wanted to thank you in person, that’s all,” he stammered. “Wow, look at the time,” Al said, checking a non-existent watch on his arm. “We better run. Thanks again, Tom. See ya!”

Before Tom could respond, Al ran back to the buggy and hit the accelerator.

“Gee, I feel a bit silly there, Loo. I just about turned this buggy motor inside out trying to catch up to Tom. Hey, do you feel a bit warm?”

Al and Loo looked down in unison. There were flames licking up the side of the gear stick.

“Abandon ship, Loo! Abandon ship!” screamed Al.

The pair bailed from the cab with a dramatic roll. Approximately three seconds later, their buggy burst into flames.

As they watched the smoking cinder pile that was once their buggy, Loo bumped into Al’s shoulder. “So, Mr. Tough Guy. What would you have done if Tom was a genuine cattle rustler?”

“Hell if I know. All I can say is, lucky it was Tom!”