The All-Seeing Seer

The first Management Meeting of the year was about to begin when Mat, one of Caboolture’s Dispatch Warehouse Assistants, burst into the room.  

“Guys!” he exclaimed to the room of startled, wide-eyed Managers. “The craziest thing just happened!” 

“Is everything okay?” asked Troy, jumping to his feet.  

“How much will the clean-up cost?” sighed Amy, spinning around in her chair.  

“When’s lunch?” asked Neil, throwing a fistful of popcorn into his mouth. 

“Yes, nothing, and 12:30pm,” replied Mat, grinning. “This is gonna sound crazy, but I knew exactly what you were gonna say!” 

“How?” asked Sammy skeptically. 

“Oh,” said Mat. “’Cause of this!” At that, Mat held up his hand, revealing a strange yellow snake secured firmly in his grasp. It hissed menacingly at the group. 

Everyone visibly recoiled.  

“Mat,” began Al calmly. “Did that thing bite you?” 

“Yeah, it sure did! Like eight times! It hurt real bad and I’m bleeding a bunch, but now I can see the future!” 

The room went silent. 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” said Mel. “Jade, stop Googling ‘snake bite venom psychosis’ and put him in the recovery position!” Jade hurriedly slammed his laptop shut. 

“No, guys, I swear I’m fine, please just hear me out!” pleaded Mat. “Actually, Mitch’s phone is about to ring, I’ll explain after.” A second later, Mitch’s phone began buzzing on the boardroom table. Everyone slowly turned their heads to stare disbelievingly at Mat, who just shrugged.  

“Anyway,” he continued, “I came up here to tell you that so much awesome stuff is going to happen at Taipan this year! More awesome stuff than you can even imagine. We’ll smash our annual Sales budget, Amy’s going to be Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, and Al will buy a fleet of superyachts! In December we’ll sail into international waters to celebrate opening our tenth branch, it’s gonna be so cool!”  

Mat took a deep breath and looked around at everyone, awaiting their response. 

The room exploded in a cacophony of celebration. Everyone was too busy high-fiving and hugging to notice that Mat had slipped from the room. 

Will and Erica were waiting for him outside. 

“How’d it go?” asked Will. 

Mat grinned. “Yep, your timing was perfect, the call came through at the best moment!” 

The boys fist-bumped. 

“I don’t get it,” said Erica. “What was the point of all this?” 

“Now everyone is starting the year full of self-belief and positivity!” explained Mat.  

“…Right,” said Erica, clearly bemused. “And this was the only way you geniuses thought you could make that happen? By spray painting an actual, very real, very venomous snake, and letting it bite you multiple times so you could claim it gave you magical powers?” 

“Totally worth it,” said Will. “Right, Mat?” Will nudged his buddy excitedly; Mat promptly collapsed. 

Erica sighed and pulled out her phone. “Hey, 000? Yeah, you’re not gonna believe this…”