Jim, Jim Bond
Jimmy suddenly wakes up, his mouth covered in duct tape, hands and feet cable tied to a chair. A strange looking man walks over to him and rips the duct tape off his mouth. Jimmy begins to cry in both pain and fear.
Doctor Two Pieces – “Finally awake I see Mr. Bond!”
Jimmy – “Umm, I’m not Mr. Bond!” Jimmy croaks nervously.
Doctor Two Pieces – “No getting out of it this time Bond.” He responds smugly.
Jimmy – “I have no idea who this Bond guy is, my name is Jimmy!” He shrieks. Jimmy starts to sob.
Doctor Two Pieces – “Oh really! Then maybe some per-SWAGE-in is in order Mr. Bond! Let’s see how you go, under PRESSURE!” He throws his head back and laughs evilly.
Doctor Two Pieces gestures to a small man in the back who rolls a huge hydraulic press into the room and places it over Jimmy’s head.
Jimmy – “I have no idea what’s going on, I got a call to make a hose and… and… and I just… well I DON’T WANNA DIE.” Jimmy stammers and begins to sob.
Doctor Two Pieces – “Sure, sure Mr. Bond, you are just the ‘hose guy’.” He mocks.
Doctor Two Pieces turns on the press, hydraulics oil starts to spill everywhere. It has obviously blown a hose.
Doctor Two Pieces – “What’s going on! I thought I told you to fix this hose?” He shouts at one of his henchmen.
Henchmen – “We did Sir, we called a hose guy. Jim’s Hoses.”
Doctor Two Pieces has a stunned look on his face, and then hangs his head to the ground.
Doctor Two Pieces – “Oh you’re the hose guy?” He asks scratching his head.
Jimmy nods and sniffs his boogers back up his nose.
Doctor Two Pieces – “I am so sorry, I really am, I am a nice guy, really, I am.” Doctor Two Pieces says as he unties Jimmy.
Henchmen – “That cannot be right Sir, the hose guy is just over there.” He points.
They all look to the corner of the room. There stands a man, dressed in a black suit drinking a martini, apparently shaken, not stirred.
Doctor Two Pieces – “You fools!” He screams, “That’s Mr. Bond, not this guy! Get him!”
Mr. Bond – “It’s too late for you Doctor Two Pieces!” He smirks.
Mr. Bond flips a switch and bombs start flashing all around the room.
Doctor Two Pieces – “You have doomed yourself as well Mr. Bond, there is nowhere to go, you will perish with the rest of us!”
Mr. Bond – “I don’t think so,” Bond says as he grabs Jimmy. “Just like Taipans service, I will be going higher!”
And with that Bond puts on a jet pack and begins to fly carrying Jimmy. They make it through a hole in the roof just as an explosion erupts, then another and another. They’re thrown further into the air as Jimmy looks back and lets out a sigh of relief.
Jimmy – “So do you think I’ll still get paid for that job…?”