The Hose Wrestlers

by Leanne Bilyard

Do you remember back in December, when you met two new kids on the block – Special Agent 99.5 and Special Agent 86.2? If you didn’t, click here! You asked, we listened… turns out you’ve been begging to know how these two special agents showed up at Taipan in the first place… get those reading glasses out, settle in to that comfy couch and brace yourselves!  

Allan looked down over the warehouse with a smile on his face. Colourful fairy lights were twinkling throughout the shelves and the team were gleefully humming Jingle Bells.  

Christmas had arrived once again, and that could only mean one thing: it was time for Allan to kick back and celebrate the year that had passed.  

Allan retreated to his office with a pep in his step and poured himself a margarita. He flicked on his computer where the Taipan Branch Managers, Rick, Mitch, Jade, Troy, and Alex, were waiting on Microsoft Teams, drinks in hand, to celebrate.  

“What a year it’s been everyone!” said Allan joyfully, “From floods to stock overflows, staff milestones to building extensions, we have been going non-stop in 2022! But now it’s time to relax, so drink up and let’s get this party started!” 

The Branch Managers cheered! Allan kicked his feet up on the desk and began dreaming of Christmas dinner, it was only two days away! Just as he was starting to drool over imaginary turkey, Sammy and Neil burst into the room. 

“Al, you’ve got to come quick! There’s something weird happening in the warehouse!” shouted Neil.  

“We don’t know where it came from! It just arrived on a pallet, and… and… oh, it was awful!” cried Sammy.  

Allan slammed his margarita on the desk.  

“What are you talking about? Start from the beginning and tell me what happened,” replied Allan, clearly annoyed.  

“There was this box. We thought it was just some product that had gotten lost in the mail. It was covered in stamps from all over the world, all beaten up and dirty, we have no idea where it came from,” said Sammy. 

Neil chimed in: “That’s when Matt went over to unpack it. There was a hose reel inside, but it was weird, like nothing I had ever seen before. Matt pulled it out of the box and it just… went wild!” 

“Wait… I still don’t understand, what do you mean it ‘went wild’?” replied Allan. 

“It was like it was alive, like it was possessed or something,” said Sammy, “It wrapped around Matt and dragged him away! What are we going to do?”  

“We’re going to save Matt,” said Allan determinedly, “and then we’re going to save Christmas.”  

Allan stood up and marched out of the door towards the warehouse. The team were in hysterics, some of them were running for the doors, others were arming themselves with rolls of tape and makeshift slingshots. Matt was nowhere to be seen, and Joe was lying unconscious on the floor. The wild hose had struck again.  

Jett ran up to Allan extremely panicked: “We don’t know where it’s gone! It’s a master of disguise it can just blend in with the other hoses!” he cried, “Joe was just trying to keep working in Hose Assembly and he grabbed it by accident. I think he made it angry!” 

“Jett, I need you to set a trap! Use some of our best grease as bait,” said Allan.  

The team hid behind the water cooler as Jett set up an extravagant trap for the wild hose. A few minutes went by and there was movement amongst the shelves. The hose slid itself along the very top shelf and glided down towards the trap. It approached the tub of grease, wrapped itself around it and dragged it off across the warehouse floor.  

“Jett, that was the worst trap I’ve ever seen,” said Sammy.  

“No! The rope was supposed to catch it when it moved the grease!” replied Jett.  

He walked over to the trap and picked up the rope that was lying motionless on the ground.  

“Useless rope, why didn’t you work, you were supposed to… AHHHH!” Out of nowhere the rope had jumped into action, tightening, and wrapping Jett up until he was hanging from the ceiling like a fly in a spider’s web. 

“I told you it would work,” said Jett.  

Chaos erupted in the warehouse; the team started to panic running towards the doors. The trap was their last hope and now the wild hose was angry and had the upper hand. Jenae noticed it slither between aisles. She realised that she had a choice: either run away or be brave and potentially save Matt. Luckily for the team, Jenae was feeling particularly heroic. She ran down the aisle and jumped on top of the hose, Steve Irwin style, wrestling with it as it thrashed around beneath her. The rest of the team started cheering her name, it looked like she was winning! Suddenly the hose kicked back and flung her across the aisle. It slithered away as Jenae stood up, feeling a little bruised.  

“Sorry guys, it was just too strong,” said Jenae forlornly.  

“Don’t be silly Jenae, you put up a great fight!” replied Allan. 

“What are we going to do Al? I don’t think we can beat it,” said Neil. 

“I knew this time would come eventually; it’s time to call in the big guns,” replied Allan. 

He walked over to a dusty red phone that was sitting on a desk. It looked like it hadn’t been used in years; the team had just assumed it was some old junk that had been forgotten about. Allan lifted the phone to his ear: 

“Agent 99.5, Agent 86.2? Code red,” he said. 

“What did you just do Al? Who are Agent 99.5 and Agent 86.2??” asked a very concerned Neil.  

“You’ll see very soon Neil,” replied Allan.  

Within minutes a red convertible screeched through the warehouse doors. Two suave looking gentlemen in black suits and black sunglasses emerged.  

“Are they the Men in Black?” asked Dave. 

“Better!” replied Allan. 

“No, it can’t be! They’re the stuff of legends!” cried Neil. 

“You betcha Neil,” said Allan, “They’re the hose wrestlers!”